Strength

There are so many things, phrases and places associated with strength. Whether it's a boulder or a mountain, a cliche or a truism, the pyramids or Stonehenge, we naturally associate the word "strong" with something we've encountered in our life that represents strength to us.
When I think of strength, I think of a single mother raising two kids, a family dealing with the tragic and untimely death of a beloved son and brother. I think of my mother, a person who had the strength to break away from a life that is crippling, and make something better for her family. I think of myself, constantly struggling with a debilitating depression, but somehow able to find a smile even when everything is crumbling around me.
I have a background on my phone that says "Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain." But I don't believe that. I believe that strength is the ability to smile in the face of tragedy, the stamina to roll with punches life throws you with a positive attitude, and the courage to move forward in the face of daunting odds.
Someone once told me that the difference between being "impervious" and being "strong" is that when something, or someone, is impervious, they have no need to be strong because nothing ever touches them.
So don't give up. As my dad would say, keep on truckin. :) Smile, be happy, but above all, live your life.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

In Case You Haven't Noticed.

There are so many things I could say to you right now.

So many thoughts I want to get out, but can't seem to find the words.

So I'll write out the many things that are going through my head.

In case you haven't noticed, a lot has changed about me.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm a very different person.

In case you haven't noticed, I've taken charge of my life.

In case you haven't noticed, I don't allow people to walk all over me.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm stronger now.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm confidant.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm radiating confidence.

In case you haven't noticed, I. Am. Beautiful.

In case you haven't noticed, you did not break me.

In case you haven't noticed, you did not win.

In case you haven't noticed, I survived the wounds you left on my heart.

In case you haven't noticed, my wounds have healed perfectly.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm happy.

In case you haven't noticed, I. Am. Back.

Worthy

I am the beautiful one.

I am the smart one.

I am the funny one.

I am the creative one.

I am the wise one.

But shall I tell you a secret?

There are days when I feel hideous.

There are days when I feel like a moron.

There are days when I think I'm dull.

There are days when I feel useless.

There are days when I can't give advice.

There are even days when I feel like my whole life is one big, cosmic joke.

And I know, rationally speaking, that this is ridiculous.

But there's a part of my brain, this tiny, evil, irrational part,

That tells me these lies.

And it takes hours of self reassurance to convince myself otherwise.

People call me conceited because I spend so much time talking about how awesome I am.

Only one person on this earth understands why I do this.

Oddly enough, he's the one person I know who does the exact same thing.

For the exact same reason.

Because even though we're both amazing,

Our brains are somehow messed up.

For some reason, our brains are wired to tell us these lies.

And we have to work so so unbearably hard to convince ourselves it's not true.

But when you have someone to do it for you, it becomes much easier.

When I have someone else to focus on,

I feel better about myself.

I feel like I'm making a difference.

So Christian, I will randomly text you and post on your Facebook.

I will come up to in the middle of the day and give you a hug.

All of this I'll do in the hopes that you'll start to do the same for me.

Because we are both worthy of love,

And we are perfect for each other.

Even if you don't know it yet.

Freedom

Eyelids flutter,

Lips part.

Breath drawn,

Lungs inflate.

Eyes dart,

Mouth smiles.

Heart leaps,

Life begins again.

Every single day is a gift,

Every breath a precious treasure.

Don't live in fear,

Embrace the future.

Hope for the best,

Don't look back.

Remember who you are,

A precious child of God.

So many reasons to hope,

So few reasons to give up.

Breathe in deep,

Take it all in.

Bask in the sunlight,

Prize the chill wind.

Savor the taste,

Enjoy the ride.

Life is good,

May it always stay.

Hope for tomorrow,

Learn from yesterday,

Live in today.

-This for everyone who struggles with depression, and has overcome those dark thoughts. Remember and savor your freedom from the darkness. Enjoy life to the fullest and don't let the hard times get you down.-

Invisible

I know you don't mean it,
I know you won't care,
But it still hurts when you don't see me.

I know that we're over,
And I know I've no right,
But I see the way you flirt with them,
And it still hurts me inside.

I'm the girl who smiles and laughs during the day, then breaks down at night.
I'm the one who's hyper at lunch, but sobs alone at night.
I'm the girl everyone looks at but nobody sees.
I'm nothing but invisible, miserable me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I have a secret. I pretend like my depression is worse than it really is just so it'll scare him and he'll show that he cares.

I would rather have loved and lost over and over again for an eternity than to spend even half of this lifetime completely loveless. Even the shortest amount of time spent in love is worth far more than a lifetime safe from heartache.