Thoughts.

Why?

Why do I spend every second of every day coaching myself into happiness?

I spend countless hours dreaming,

Only to wake and find I don't like life's bleak reality.

But in those few moments of precious bliss,

When I'm still halfway between dream and reality,

I feel like the world is mine to conquer,

That everything in this life will be laid at my feet.

That no matter what happens,

Whether this boy likes me or this boy doesn't,

That I don't need anyone else's approval.

That I don't need other people to make me happy.

In those few moments,

I can truly see what life has to offer me.

And then it's gone.

The stark bleakness of reality drags me screaming back to life.

And I go through my days fighting despair,

Fighting that ever present darkness,

The darkness which is always pulling,

Always searching for a way to drag me into the abyss.

But in the end,

It's those few moments of perfect bliss that keep me going.

Those precious seconds of rightness are my redeeming hope.

And in those moments, those seconds between my realities,

I am the most powerful woman alive.

I am capable of absolutely anything I can dream of achieving.

And that is why I keep trudging through the blackness.