For the people who have been put in my life to teach me to be more careful with my heart.
His eyes, his smile, the way he looks at me.
Usually so cautious, I throw caution to the wind.
When he touches my hand, and looks deep into my eyes,
My heart begins to quicken, my blood begins to race.
I look back at him and I know that he knows.
He knows how I feel about him, he knows what I want.
And in that moment I begin to think he wants the same.
So I let my guard down, I allow myself to dream.
In my head this could lead to more serious things.
I let my heart get away from my head.
And that's when it begins: the wishing, the wanting, the inevitable heartbreak.
The next day I wonder if he'll even remember.
If what happened between us was just alcohol-induced lust.
But then the kisses, the touches, the way he looks at me,
Makes me think that maybe this time, just this once, it's not just me.
Maybe this time he has feelings for me too.
A kiss goodbye, a hug, then he's gone.
All day is spent thinking, dreaming of what we could be,
How right this all feels.
Once again I let my heart get away from my head.
Then it comes. The text I'd hoped not to receive.
"Last night was great, But I think we're better as friends..
JUST friends." My heart sinks.
I knew this was going to happen. It always does.
I let my heart rule my head, and then my heart gets broken.
Again.
No matter how many times I hear it, it never fails to hurt.
No matter what I tell myself, I'm always broken-hearted.
And as much as I try to deny it, I've done what I said I would not:
I let a guy hurt me. I let myself dream of what could be.
But I put on a brave face, act like I don't care.
I tell him I get it, it's not a big deal.
Well guess what? It is a big deal.
It's a much bigger deal than you can imagine.
This is what I dread, the one thing that hurts me the most.
And you're the one who did it.
So thank you, Jake. Thank you for hurting me.
Thank you for teaching me not to trust.
This is a lesson I had hoped not to ever learn.
It's in my nature to trust, and this is changing me.
This makes me doubt every guy I meet,
Makes me doubt every single promise.
I don't want to be like this.
I don't want to me distrustful, don't want these walls.
Unfortunately for me, you are helping build this wall.
A wall that has taken years to fall is now being rebuilt.
The more I trust, the more I get hurt.
And each time I get hurt, I become more untrusting.
Now my trust is shattered.
The next guy will have to work that much harder,
Have to break down more walls.
And I don't want that.
But I can't let those walls down.
If I do, I might get hurt again.
My heart can only take so much pain,
Can only heal so many times before it becomes hard.
Next time, think about what you're doing.
Remember that the girl you're with will get hurt.
Don't play anyone else the way you played me.
One day it will come back to haunt you.
Don't ruin another girl's trust.
